Wednesday, February 29, 2012

REAL TALK

so today is my half birthday.
goodness who over the age of seven still thinks about their half birthday.
just me....
great.
I never seemed to forget mine because it only comes every 4 years.
on leap day.
I remember as a child being a little bummed that I didn't have a half birthday.
You see in elementary school we celebrated our birthdays in class.
But if you were born in the summer the class would celebrate your half birthday.
the teacher would give you a goodie bag and parents would bake cupcakes and cookies.
I'd always get worried and think they would just skip over mine because there wasn't always a feb. 29.
It did happen once.
haha.
I was one of those shy little girls who didn't say anything though.
DSC_0162 2
Anyways let me get off of this silly little tangent.
Back to me being 6 months from turning 22.
It made me think about how my little plan for my life is not entirely in my control.

Pretty much my whole life I told myself I'd be married by the time I was 22.
I know it sounds weird.
Some may think Why 22?
Well that's how old my mother was when she wed my father.
So since I was around five or six I just assumed I'd do the same.
In all honesty it wasn't til I was around fifteen or sixteen that I realized that probably wouldn't happen.
Even then I secretly dreamed it would.
I know I sound loony.
But that's really the way I thought.
Upon realizing that I was going to be 22 in just six short months. I started to get pretty upset.
Here I am a 21 year old young woman who has never had a love interest in my life....

Sometimes that makes me sad.
I mean like really sad.
It wasn't easy being a teenage girl watching all your friends dating.
And oh boy am I a hopeless romantic.
I'd get so frustrated and think will I ever meet someone...?
It was hard but I have come a long way from that.
I've learned to be grateful that I have never had to deal with painful broken heart.
I'm not sure my teenage heart would have been able to handle something like that.

I need to constantly remind myself that God is in control. He loves me and HE wants the best for me.
O how that calms my heart. The creator of the universe has a plan for me.

As much as I wanted to get married real young that just might not be his plan for me.

I need to learn to be okay with that.

I know that as long as I have him in my life everything will be okay.

I just need to live my life wholeheartedly believing it.

It's strange deep down in my heart I know that it is the truth but I let my dumb emotions cloud my mind. It makes things fuzzy.

So my prayer is that my emotions don't get in the way of me any my savior.

I usually post these serious blogs to a private blog because it can be hard to be really open. It makes you so vulnerable but I thought maybe one person could be encouraged by my words.


Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight


xo
-esther

2 comments:

FunnifyYoLife said...

I feel ya girl!

Jennifer E. said...

They aren't dumb emotions, they are real. And your hopes and dreams aren't unrealistic, they only become unrealistic or harmful when we push for them to become a reality if that isn't part of the will of God for our lives. You are an amazing young woman and I believe God is working in the heart of the young man He has intended for you so that he will be perfect for you.